i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
