I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Welp...herpes.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize