WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
