He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
