i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
