it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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