butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
babies were throwing up all over the place
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
