yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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