I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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