I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
