im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
