Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
