help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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