Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
