Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
