wanna go halves on a baby?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
