I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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