I puked a lego.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
