did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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