please come you make the beer taste better
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Floor bacon is actually really good
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
