Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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