In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
