I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
