He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
