I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
time to smoke my breakfast
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
is that a dick in a sweater?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
