Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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