On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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