did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
