it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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