Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
