Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
