The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize