yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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