she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
