And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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