My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
