i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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