saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
