so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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