They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
