I'm gonna have a badass scar
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
