Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
