Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the condom got lost in my hair
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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