I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
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