it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
