I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
