What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He has the fingertips of a God
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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