I wish I only lived at night.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
