Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The air was thick with penises
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize