if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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