he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
4 words: hood of his car
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
