You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
