I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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