Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
