The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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