no, he came in my armpit
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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