I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
