Apparently you make a good broom.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
