Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
