Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
