ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Randomize
