She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
