K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Congratulations! We have a period
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