i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
