I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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