So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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